Surrender

I look down and my cell phone rings
And I see your name and I know what that means
But I don’t care
I’ll just hold on
Till your gone
-blake shelton

Never stops. your voice is the only thing that cures my broken heart time and time again

Let your love flow

I haven't written in a few days because it's been a whirlwind of emotions. From indifference (when I don't talk to you), to jealousy (for obvious reasons), to just wanting to hold you and tell you I love you, it's been a mess. It's almost better when we don't talk, until I hear your voice and it sends me spinning.

If I could, I'd be on my way to England right now. Sweep you off your feet.

Love,
Little Spoon

When the Wind Blows

Late nights when I stayed up late
All I do is wait and wait
Your never coming home to me
That's the hardest thing to see
-All American Rejects

Could it be? Is it really over? You never used to miss a phone call before. I know you feel bad waking me up, but I WANT you to wake me. I want my phone to ring, I want to hear your voice. I still want you here so badly. I miss you. I know you miss me, too.

Fate sucks.
Prove me wrong.
Please.
Pretty, pretty please.

I know you like it when I ask nicely.

Yours,
Little Spoon

Pink: The one that got away

Gosh, that's a good song. I know you'd love it if you listened to it. Every time I hear it, I think of you. Not that I want to. I don't want to think of you as the one who got away. I either don't want it to get to that point, or I don't want it to end that way.

"His words were like heaven in my hurricane
My knees buckled under
I thought everyone was watching me
Watching you save my life with the song
You were mine
In the back of my mind
Oh just for one night
Just for a while
There's always one that gets away
The one that sneaks up on you that slips away
Two weeks later I was sitting in his apartment
He was making cappuccino
I said what kind of man makes cappuccino
We laughed We laughed We laughed
We laughed 'til tears ran down my face
Oh but my man you're someone else's man
And that ain't the man that I want
But you keep drawing me in with those big brown lying eyes
You'll always be mine
In the back of my mind."

I don't want to miss you. I want to hold on. I don't want this to be over. I want this to work. I know it's selfish, but I'm not like you. You have to see it in the way that it's NOT selfish: I'm giving so much of myself to you, in hopes that you'll respond eventually. I know you feel guilty and I'm sorry. But you need to see the truth, it cannot be ignored. We can't help what happened, it just did. You fell into my lap, and I into yours...This is not something we wanted or expected. But we both want it now, and the decision is yours to make.

Choose wisely. A man could live to regret this type of decision, and I don't want that to be you. Take a chance.

Yours,
LS

How Cruel Can Irony Be?

You might not be eligible for a travel visa to the US. I can't leave the US, or else I risk being detained and deported back to Canada. Seriously? How many borders are going to come between us, before we finally just quit.

Or a stupid yogurt commercial. A stupid yoga commercial about big spoons and little spoons- one that drives you crazy, that you had to sit through with your girlfriend. Gosh, I felt sorry for you when you told me that. I can see this coming: you're either going to feel guilty and stop talking to me. Or, if you don't this will eventually spiral out of control- until we finally have our chance. I don't know if I can keep holding on until the latter occurs.

How long can I delay moving on with my life, when you are clearly at least trying to move on with yours?

Yet, my heart is still in it. People stop judging me so harshly (in regards to you) after they hear us interact. My coworker understood at once- she said "The way you speak to each other, you're completely infatuated. Plus that voice, and he's hot...No wonder you're in love with him."

I'm not in love with you.

I'm

Not

In

Love

With

You.

How could I be? I never met you! I don't know you from Adam. You should be nothing to me.Yet, when I heard your voice, when I spoke to you- a calm washed over me that I haven't felt in days. I was myself again- sunny, happy, hopeful...All things that I don't want to rely on you for. All things that I am capable of myself.

The thing is, there's always a big difference between the way things should be and the way they are. You are her boyfriend. You are simply my friend. My friend who tells me they missed me. My friend who I don't want to go weekends without speaking to. My friend who I so badly want to run up to in an airport and hug and kiss and swing around like lovers who've been seperated for years. My friend, who I'm so convinced- would be the closest to perfect lover that I could find. My friend, who I spend sleepless nights over, either waiting for the phone to ring or talking to you. My friend, who (though I would never TRULY wish for you to be unhappy) I wish would just break up with his girlfriend and come to me. Just a friend...

Just like the friend that I kissed on my birthday- who I can't be with because I thought of you the entire time we kissed. Just like the friend I hugged today, who I spoke to you the entire time he was in front of me, and smiled like a moron because I had just been on the phone with you. Just like the friend I'm going to see a movie with tonight- who's back I'll cling to for dear life on his motorcycle, only thinking of "When will I get the chance to tell big spoon this story!?" Not even savoring the moment with these friends, not even trying to make it work.

Only thinking of you. And I wonder, I wonder just how severely you're feeling similar effects, if at all.

I'm always thinking of you. I miss you before you even say goodbye.

Yours,

Little Spoon

p.s.- that commercial just goes to prove that this is truly the BEST names we could have chosen together.

Sleepless nights

There's some things we don't talk about
Rather do without
And just hold the smile
Falling in and out of lov
eAshamed and proud of
But together all the while
You can never say never
Why we don't know when
Time, time, time again
Younger now than we were before
Don't let me go.
-The Fray

First, dreams of my grandfather. Fits of restless sleep. Sweat. Dreams of cocaine. Sweat. I've never done cocaine. I'm still scared. My grandfather, watching me as I futily attempt sleep. Scared, wishing this phone would ring. It does and it's not you. Ignore. What am I doing? One hour. One hour and fifteen minutes. One hour and a half. Two hours. No sleep. Dreams of drugs, and dead relatives, and no phone calls, no instant messages. No understanding. No telling what is real from what is not- the lines are beginning to blur. You didn't do this- I'm just confused.

Last night I wrote:
Another night without you here and it just gets more and more frustrating . There's a boy I know a boy who could love me and give me a good life. Make me an honest woman some day, maybe even soon. A good boy. I'm going on a ride with him tomorrow... Nothing new for us but I thought you should know. You should know I'm not just stuck and I'm not waiting forever for you. I wanted this more than anything... Part of me still does. Right now nothing hurts or feels more real than the truths which lie ahead- we may never get our chance. You'll settle for Kay and I'll settle for him and how can we ever be sure we made the right choice?

The entire time I'm going to be wondering: what if it were you, what if this was you I was holding onto? What if we had our chance?! What if we missed it? What if what was meant to Be took a wrong turn?

What if I'm alone in this?

I feel like I need to move on but I know as soon as I hear your voice I'll know I was wrong...

Yours,
Little Spoon

Please Read the Letter

Caught out running With just a little too much to hide Maybe baby Everythings gonna turn out fine Please read the letter I mailed it to your door It’s crazy how it all turned out We needed so much more Too late, too late A fool could read the signs Maybe baby You’d better check between the lines Please read the letter, I wrote it in my sleep With help and consultation from The angels of the deep Ah Please read the letter that I wrote Please read the letter that I wrote Once I stood beside a well of many words My house was full of rings and Charms and pretty birds Please understand me, My walls came falling down There’s nothing here that’s left for you But check with lost and found Ah Please read the letter that I wrote Please read the letter that I wrote Please read the letter that I wrote One more song Just before we go Remember baby, You gotta reap just what you sew Please read my letter And promise me you’ll keep The secrets and the memories We cherish in the deep Please read the letter I mailed it to your door It’s crazy how it all turned out We needed so much more Please read the letter that I wrote

[Plant & Krauss]