Turning Points

I turned 21 on Monday. Before it happened, I thought this was a no-big-deal birthday. I've already gone to the bars, gone to the clubs, sat in the lounges. I've had my share to drink, and I've gone to plenty of parties. I had no idea that life on the legal side of drinking could be so much fun. I know it's going to get old, fast...But for now, I really just want to enjoy it. I wish you were here with me.

You called me from London on my birthday, as promised. You didn't even miss a beat. I was getting ready to go to the beach, and you phoned right around the time you said you would. I love that stability about you. It's not that you're predictable...It's that you're reliable. They don't really make them like that anymore. You talked to my best friend for the first time- I liked that. I liked that you were surprised by how short a conversation it was- because it meant that you wanted more. I know you want to know more about this side of my life. And that's very bittersweet to me- cause I want you to know more too.

You called again yesterday, to check in and see how my birthday was. I think it was the shortest phone conversation we've ever had- 35 minutes- aside from the times where we've been disconnected or I had to go because I was at work. I told you about my night- all the details except one- I guess I realized I can tell you almost anything.

That's the one thing we don't talk about -the others. You won't talk about her, and I refuse to tell you about anyone in my life. I don't know why we insist on keeping this illusion- if it's for the sake of saving face or what... But I can't even bring myself to tell you that I kissed a guy who I've known for years on my birthday. It's ridiculous, I know...Especially considering that I can only imagine what you two are up to, now that you're trying to work things out!

I'm cautiously optimistic that I'll hear from you again today. I'm trying really hard to treat this as though you're just my friend. But when I hear your voice, or see your picture, I can't help but get those feelings in my tummy. When we talk and I'm home I'll snug up to Burton- because oddly enough it makes me feel close to you.

I know if you were here or I were there, we'd be together. That's the hardest part in all of this. The thing is though, it doesn't hurt like it did a few days ago. Maybe because I'm getting used to this...I'm trying really hard not to expect too much- but you, always manage to surprise me.

You're amazing Big Spoon. She's a very lucky girl...With any luck someday I'll get my chance.

Yours,
Little Spoon