If I needed any proof that my past diaries are all cursed, here it is. No sooner had the pen touched the paper, and one day later, everything has changed.
I don't know what came over me, or what even for one fragment of a second allowed me to think I could ever meet Big Spoon. And even if I did-nothing could come of it. He loves his family, and I love mine- we could never leave them. At best, all we could be is friends.
Why? Why can't I meet someone else like him? Someone who would accept me, exactly as I am. And why does the one person who does 'get' me have to live overseas?!
Now that he and his ex are going to try to work things out, everything is going to change. Whatever it was that Big Spoon was able to offer to me- attention, mostly- won't be available to me anymore. And it hurts. It hurts to know that at some other time, in another place, I would be the girl by his side. The idea that we are both going to have to settle for other people to be happy- hurts me. Because in reality, Big Spoon and Little Spoon can't exist.
I never thought I'd cry over someone I don't even know.
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