When I talked to you last night, I told you what a bad day I had. I knew I couldn't tell you that you actually had something to do with it without raising a bunch of red flags, so I blamed it all on work. The truth is, I could've dealt much better with work, if I hadn't had you on my mind. Or maybe I was angry at myself for letting it get that far...
Regardless, I couldn't ignore you when you made contact. I told you the night before that I'd have to consider breaking off all contact with you if you and your ex got back together. You told me nothing was definite- but that didn't do anything to stop my thoughts of you with someone else. Thoughts that should have never bothered me to begin with!
But they bothered me. Bothered me enough to make me cry- something which I've told you, I rarely do. I think you knew when I told you too, that it had nothing to do with work. I didn't want you to know. As frustrating as the thought of you with someone else is- I would never want to stand in your way. You're a wonderful person who deserves to be happy, and seeing as the odds of it happening with me are slim, you should still try with others. I know you'd step aside for me to do the same.
Yet, its easier said than done. When you called, it was like we never discussed anything else. It was like any other night. What time you coming home, you asked? I'm not sure, I'll let you know. You going to sleep? Yes, you said. When I came home, it was 2:30am my time- 7:30am your time. My phone rang from a blocked number and I knew it had to be you. You starting your day, me ending mine. You said sweet dreams, I said good morning. You said you'd try to call me on your lunch at work, 7am my time. I'm not surprised that you didn't...I know you feel really guilty that I've only gotten 4 hours of sleep in the last 2 days.
You shouldn't you know, I have no one to blame. I did this to myself. You may have charmed me into it, but I fell right into your trap..."And so the lion fell in love with the lamb."
It's my own fault.
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