How Cruel Can Irony Be?

You might not be eligible for a travel visa to the US. I can't leave the US, or else I risk being detained and deported back to Canada. Seriously? How many borders are going to come between us, before we finally just quit.

Or a stupid yogurt commercial. A stupid yoga commercial about big spoons and little spoons- one that drives you crazy, that you had to sit through with your girlfriend. Gosh, I felt sorry for you when you told me that. I can see this coming: you're either going to feel guilty and stop talking to me. Or, if you don't this will eventually spiral out of control- until we finally have our chance. I don't know if I can keep holding on until the latter occurs.

How long can I delay moving on with my life, when you are clearly at least trying to move on with yours?

Yet, my heart is still in it. People stop judging me so harshly (in regards to you) after they hear us interact. My coworker understood at once- she said "The way you speak to each other, you're completely infatuated. Plus that voice, and he's hot...No wonder you're in love with him."

I'm not in love with you.

I'm

Not

In

Love

With

You.

How could I be? I never met you! I don't know you from Adam. You should be nothing to me.Yet, when I heard your voice, when I spoke to you- a calm washed over me that I haven't felt in days. I was myself again- sunny, happy, hopeful...All things that I don't want to rely on you for. All things that I am capable of myself.

The thing is, there's always a big difference between the way things should be and the way they are. You are her boyfriend. You are simply my friend. My friend who tells me they missed me. My friend who I don't want to go weekends without speaking to. My friend who I so badly want to run up to in an airport and hug and kiss and swing around like lovers who've been seperated for years. My friend, who I'm so convinced- would be the closest to perfect lover that I could find. My friend, who I spend sleepless nights over, either waiting for the phone to ring or talking to you. My friend, who (though I would never TRULY wish for you to be unhappy) I wish would just break up with his girlfriend and come to me. Just a friend...

Just like the friend that I kissed on my birthday- who I can't be with because I thought of you the entire time we kissed. Just like the friend I hugged today, who I spoke to you the entire time he was in front of me, and smiled like a moron because I had just been on the phone with you. Just like the friend I'm going to see a movie with tonight- who's back I'll cling to for dear life on his motorcycle, only thinking of "When will I get the chance to tell big spoon this story!?" Not even savoring the moment with these friends, not even trying to make it work.

Only thinking of you. And I wonder, I wonder just how severely you're feeling similar effects, if at all.

I'm always thinking of you. I miss you before you even say goodbye.

Yours,

Little Spoon

p.s.- that commercial just goes to prove that this is truly the BEST names we could have chosen together.